Danny Hickman

Years ago a friend of mine called me in a panic. His best friend, a guy he grew up with, who he'd been best friends with since childhood, was found out about. His wife had discovered that he was bi-sexual. They had three children; two boys and a girl. That was around 15 years ago. He and his wife have since went their separate ways and he lives with a man.

My buddy was devastated! He wanted my advice! What should he do? He wasn't at that time, but he's now a deacon in his church who was on the rise to becoming a deacon back then. Many of his family and friends were making him out to be as guilty as his lifelong best friend.

That can be a hard hill to climb. How do you throw one friend away to satisfy other friends? The answer is, 'you don't.'

He asked me what I thought he should do. I told him to begin with no longer telling those homophobic jokes that I had heard him tell. I also asked him what did their friendship have to do with what his friend did when he wasn't with him. So my suggestion was that he sit down and talk to his friend and tell him what would make him uncomfortable.
Of course their friendship changed, but change is very different from 'end.'

He told me recently that his friend asked him for a loan. (He opened a new bar and grill and he needed some capital). That's what friends do, they support each other.
It took him a little while to get used to it, but he came around. Friends since second grade.... He wanted to know, 'Why didn't he tell me?'

December 06 2022 • Report