Deborah Bullock

Homemaking, caretaking for my elderly mom, parttime artist

I was born into Roman Catholism and loved Jesus from my earliest memory. While in elementary school, I started the habit of lighting candles and praying under a large statue of Jesus on the cross at the parish church my family attended.  I looked up at the statue's beautifully rendered face of a broken Jesus. I felt the warm love of Jesus for me in my heart. 

Years passed and I married my catholic high-school sweetheart.  Two children and almost 7 years later, we divorced.  A series of events during the first year as a single mom, led me to a neighborhood biblestudy, where I learned that God does not hate me and I could start over, erase my sins through accepting Jesus as my Savior.  Through tears, I said the sinners prayer.  I felt clean and full of love.  Warm, genuine love that filled my heart.

That precious feeling left 3 days later and although my biblestudy neighbors tried to disciple me to leave the world and trust fully in God for my future, I was back in the world and told them they and God were asking too much of me.

I felt God had to make exceptions for me.  I didn't want to get married again but I didn't want to be alone either.  For the next seven years,  I jumped from one bad relationship to another until I had collapsed on the floor, in a heap, broken heart, mind and soul, right there before The mighty Triune God.  

Through heavy tears and deep sorrow at the mess I made of my life  I recommitted my Sinners prayer and added I wanted Him to put my life back together.  I knew I needed to repent, but I was in bondage to fear.  But praise God...Nothing is impossible for HIM.

They say the Carpenter brings his tool box into your heart and that sometimes he knocks out walls.  My son, Bryan was diagnosed with an Angio-sarcoma on his heart.  I cried so hard at the news.  Once again, I thought God hated me.  I had a sweet cousin who is strong in the LORD, visit at the hospital.  When I told her that God was punishing me and that He hated me, she corrected my thinking.  "Sickness is from living in a fallen world and Jesus wants to walk every step of the way with your son, if you let Him."

The warmth was in my heart again.  There were many ups and downs as we fought for twenty-two months.  During that time, Bryan gave his life to the LORD.  I cried many nights, I begged even more for his life and then Bryan became terminal with just a few days to live.

 I was collasped broken again on the floor.  All alone in my house.  But God was there.  I couldn't see Him, but my heart did.  Bryan was dying and I had to let go.  I was for hours,  in deep emotional pain.  I finally let go and Bryan died peacefully in our home a few days later.

God has blessed my life richly since that day.  It's been 26 years since Bryan Died.  I'm married to a Born-Again Christian Man.  We live in a peaceful Christian home.  We are debt-free and look forward to retirement.  My Daughter has a wonderful career in the military and blessed me with a Granddaughter..  She and her husband walk with the LORD.

I have the blessing to being able to create small paintings and sell them on the internet  The rest of my day is filled with being a homemaker and caring for my mom who lives with us and has dementia.  These are all blessings.

I conclude by saying I strive to walk closely with the LORD.  The world we live in is changed and keeps changing for the worse.  I believe the churches are being attacked by satan and it's hard to find one that hasn't watered down the Gospel. That preaches against all sin, that  preaches on living a moral life honoring God. 

I am convinced that the rapture of the church will be soon, although no one knows the date or time.  "eBible" has helped me in staying in the Word.  The Word does not change and that is what comforts me today. Amen and God Bless.